What if Current NFL Quarterbacks Had Joe Theismann’s Brain

Joe Theismann clumsily appeared on Fox News today to discuss a subject he definitely shouldn’t have – a federal judge’s ruling to cancel the Washington team’s trademark registration because the current nickname is denigrating to Native Americans.

Within an awkward defense of the nickname, Theismann uttered the following, “I’m very proud to have represented the Native American nations of this country.”

Yes, the sage Theismann actually believes a team’s nickname means something more than a moniker to differentiate it from 31 other teams or a simplistic word that blends with a logo to sell merchandise.  Of course, in Washington’s case it does mean more – pure bigotry.

Still we’d like to apply Theismann’s twisty logic to some current quarterbacks. When asked to defend their team nicknames, here’s what we project they would say:

Derek Carr

“I’m very proud to represent the roach killers of this country.”

Jay Cutler

“I’m very proud to represent the excessive nappers of this country.”

Colin Kaepernick

“I’m very proud to represent the gold diggers of this country.”

Eli Manning

“I’m very proud to represent a San Francisco baseball team of this country.”

Philip Rivers

“I’m very proud to represent the USB cords of this country.”

Aaron Rodgers

“I’m very proud to represent the animal carcasses of this country.”

Ben Roethlisberger

“I’m very proud to represent the shoplifters of this country.”

Geno Smith

“I’m very proud to represent the Caucasian Broadway gangs of this country.”

Ryan Tannehill

“I’m very proud to represent those things they exploit at the Sea Worlds of this country.”

Feel free to keep it going, folks! P.S. When is Theismann getting back in the Thursday Night Football booth? Social media is waiting.