The Fashionista Girl: Is Mark Sanchez really Derek Zoolander?
The spotlight is shining bright on the New York Jets this week as they prepare to face the Colts on Sunday. As if their presence in the Conference Championship wasn’t surprise enough, all the media attention has revealed an even stranger aspect underlying Gang Green’s inner machinations – namely, the seeming second coming of Derek Zoolander (hereafter DZ) in the form of rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez.
Yes, it’s true.
Marky Mark Sanchez, Derek Zoolander, Sexy Rexy, and Mugatu – bound by a mysterious, cosmic connection of hotness and manipulation thereof.
1. Consider his relationship to Rex Ryan. At the behest of superstitious Sexy Rexy, Sanchez will not shave his beard until the end of their championship run even though we all know clean shaven Mark is far more likely to distract than a Dirty Sanchez. What will the Mugatu-esque puppet master demand next….
“Do as you are trained… AND KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!”
2. And like DZ, Mark takes his art seriously. He constantly works to improve holes in his game.
Though he may not be a eugoogoolizer, Mark is a seasoned ambi-turner.
3. Mark’s dedication, heart, and all-star poise form the perfect foundation for a football career potentially as illustrious as DZ’s trajectory in modeling. But are we really to believe this first-year QB has led the Jets to the playoffs despite a sub-par passing game and underdeveloped pocket presence? It’s as absurd as DZ legitimately landing the high-profile Derelicte show after his fall from fashion grace.
4. Oh yeah, and like DZ, he’s also really, really ridiculously good looking.
“He’s so hot right now.”
Sanchez and the Jets are going to have to pull out all the stops to overcome Peyton Manning and the blue-chip Colts. Check out the plays projected to throw Indy off their game.
Le Tigre – I will intoxicate your women with my presence.
Blue Steel – And distract your men with my… steel.
And the final game-winner, the play that is singularly defined by name alone: