Positively Gruden, Vikings vs. Bears: Mitch, Mitch, Case

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle that top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach. Last night’s Bears-Vikings clash featured the long-awaited debut of Mitchell Trubisky, newly anointed Bears savior after years wandering in the quarterbacking wilderness. And while Mitchsky put on a nice show for his first start, the Bears’ utter void of talent at the skill position made for a long slog of a game. It was only when John Fox dialed up a fake punt and trick two-point conversion—having lied in waiting with 94 years of conservative play-calling to finally get this payoff—that the game finally had some action. But this is the Bears, of course, and Trubisky’s late game interception turned the tide for the Vikings faster than you can say Jay Cutler.

Due to the game’s lack of offensive production, the Grudenisms were few and far between. But there were at least a few nice nuggets to keep us entertained.

As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a slide scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

14. On Tarik Cohen, “I like this punt returner. He’s a modern day Darren Sproles. Same size, same traits.”

13. On the Bears linebackers, “I love when men get an opportunity and they step up and take advantage of it.”

12. “That’s why you like big linebackers. When you see Christian Jones in person, you’ll see why he batted that ball down.”

11. “Everybody criticizes things today. There’s a lot of critics out there.”

MORE TFG: Recapping an NFL Sunday From Hell

10. After a Bears two-point conversion, “I’ve gotta put that in my offense. I have not seen that play.”

9. On Everson Griffen, “He’s been known to get off early.”

8. With a dose of truth serum, “The Chicago Bears, when I watch them I get bored.”

7. “I love Adam Thielen in the slot. People don’t realize how big and strong he is.”

6. “I love what Vic Fangio does. They call it The Predator, Sean.”

5. “Mike Zimmer, one of the most experienced defensive coaches. He’s been calling defenses since Trubisky was 5 years old.”

4. On Trubisky at the Gruden QB camp, “We tried to confuse him. He introduced himself to 10 NFL players. I like his voice. I like his poise.”

3. “I like Case Keenum. He’s a bulldog.”

2. “If I could look like anyone on the planet I’d probably want to look like Danielle Hunter. . . . I take a lot of pride in my guns, but Danielle’s got me.”

1. After a Vikings touchdown, “That’s duck duck goose.”