Positively Gruden: Saints at Seahawks

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where I break down the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  After last week’s one-sided 49ers-Redskins affair, America was looking forward to the battle for NFC supremacy between the Seahawks and Saints.  However, the Seahawks and their famed 12th man quickly asserted their dominance early, leading to another one-sided outcome and yet another week of gushing over an NFC West team.  On the bright side, Gruden was in rare form in providing the “color” in color commentary, with some really oddball statements that you’ll see below.  Must have been that Pacific Northwest, um, air.

So without further ado, let’s get to it.  As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

On Russell Wilson and Drew Brees, pregame, “They are as tough as that three dollar steak you bought me last night.”

“You gotta stop this stretch running game and this BEAST, Marshawn Lynch. What are you gonna do but eat Skittles?” (Duh, you don’t fight Skittles with Skittles; you have to find its kryptonite, NERDS)

On the Seahawks’ penalties, “That’s the one thing they need to clean up.” (Well, that and the drugs)

After a Seahawks pick-6, “The legion of boom strikes first.”

On the Saints’ difficulty in playing in the noise, “some of these plays are hard to say.”

With supposed praise, “I don’t think Drew Brees even has a pulse right now.”

Going bananas: “Even spider 2 Y banana has a strange twist with Russell Wilson at quarterback.”

Enjoying Ed Hochuli’s explanation of balls, “it’s a good thing his microphone works tonight because he’s giving us some great work in diction.”

“I think Russell Wilson has had an MVP-type season.”

On Earl Thomas, “I’m telling ya, I think he’s got some MVP-like criteria on defense.” (By my count, Gruden has handed out 46 MVP awards so far this year)

On Marshawn Lynch, “I feel like I’m in a rodeo or something.”

“If Pete’s Carroll’s guilty one of thing, he’s just too compassionate for these Seahawks.” (Yep, just that one thing)

“Right now Drew Brees and Russell Wilson have opened the door for men of all sizes. I’m excited.”