Positively Gruden, Patriots vs. Chiefs: Gruden Goes Gigabytes

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Patriots-Chiefs clash may have been a snoozer in terms of competition, but it yielded an epic array of Grudenisms on punter dominance, fulsome fullbacks, and certified mensa member, Alex Smith, not to mention a pity Grudenism for the increasingly “sucky” Tom Brady.  So let’s not waste time and get to them.

As always, the top Grudenism sare graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.


A punter love trifecta:

Dustin Colquitt has been on fire lately.”

What a weapon Dustin Colquitt is.

Colquitt, arguably the best punter in the AFC. I’ll bet my per diem he downs this inside the 10.” (He does.)


On Andy Reid:You have to have your media guide available when you watch the Chiefs play offense.”

On playing in KC, wistfully:Derrick Thomas had five sacks, he sacked me and the Gatorade crew after the game.”


On the genius of Alex Smith (repeatedly):

Charles, Davis, Kelce. And Alex Smith…shows you his football intellect.”

He got a 40 on the Wonderlic. Andy Reid told me, ‘we’re not gonna have a problem with gigabytes.’”

His football IQ is off the charts, Andy Reid loves him, I know I’d like to coach Alex Smith.”

You wanna talk football, you probably want to talk it with Alex Smith.”

And then you have Alex Smith, who can handle……EVERYTHING.”

With some offensive line love:

I’ve seen a lot of things on the goal line, but I haven’t seen a 350-pound fullback block Vince Wilfork. That’s unbelievable.”

These offensive linemen for Kansas City, you gotta tip your hat to them…Rodney Hudson probably doesn’t know his own teammates yet.”

Effort, accountability, and competition. If they kept a statistic on those three things, Tom Brady would probably be leading the league in that.”

Look at [Chiefs GM] John Dorsey. He’s allowed Andy Reid to get back to doing what he does best….(wait for it)….COACHING

On Dontari Poe: “That might be the biggest fullback in the history of fullbacks.”

I tell ya, standing next to these tight ends on the practice field. You gotta ask yourself, ‘who’s number 84?’” (Yes, yes you do.)