Positively Gruden: Panthers at Eagles – Starring Bryce Brown as Arian Foster

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where I break down the top compliments, congratulations, and canoodling from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  I have to say, this is was one of the most difficult Gruden columns I’ve ever had to write for TFG.  With two putrid teams on the field and rumors abounding that Gruden was soon to be giving up his analyst seat to get back into coaching, my heart just wasn’t into it.  Kinda of like the entire Eagles team.  But, because I care about you all so much, I had no choice but to press on and deliver a smattering of Grudenisms from last night.  I promise to do better next week.  (RGIII!)

As always, Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

“This young LB is going to be a star in this league. Luke Kuechly. Most productive, tackling LB in ACC history.”

“When I watch Cam Newton, I see rare physical talent, a kid who can really throw the football, and a great game day competitor…he’s a big reason they will get it right….at some point.” (When I’m coaching)

After a Panthers play action pass, “I still don’t know how to stop this protection, I really don’t. RGIII and Cam Newton have SHREDDED opponents with that action”

More play action, “These CHUNKS that the Carolina Panthers and the Redskins are getting off the play action pass…I wouldn’t want to be a defensive coach…. ….I’m glad I’m up here Mike.” (yeah, right)

Already previewing RGIII next week (one quarter into the game), “He’s the most exciting guy in Pro Football, Mike, he can run REAL FAST. If he gets the edge, he’s gone….I gotta feeling it will be ROCKING next week in Washington. I can’t wait.”

After a Panthers TD, “Well, Rod Chudzinski just called one of the best three deep zone beaters in all of professional football, the old-fashioned ‘sluggo seam'”

“I never liked Steve Smith. He has over 11,000 [yards], I think 3,800 came against me.” (That’s rather specific)

On Cam Newton, “He’s a luxury vehicle is what he is….when you’re in trouble and you need a ride, just let Cam Newton….” (didn’t finish the metaphor)

After a Bryce Brown TD, “I LOVE PRO FOOTBALL! Every year you discovery a NEW STAR, last year it was Arian Foster . . . he gives the Eagles a BIG BACK and he gives this city some LIFE.” (Yep, Bryce Brown is the next Arian Foster)