Open Letter to Sports Bars

Letter to Sports Bars

Dear Sports Bar Owners who offer the Sunday Ticket and their employees who work on Sundays,

Thank you for existing. The very idea of you is heaven on earth for us fantasy football geeks. Those beautiful televisions depicting the large quantity of NFL games, coupled with an unhealthy menu is something we plan for every week from September through December.   But there’s one minor problem.  With the glory of Sundays can come a bit of pain.  You see, not all of you are as expert running the football show as you could be.  Nervousness stems when we walk into your bar, inquire as to whether a particular game is going to be shown and get a response of “I think so.”  Fantasy football players and regular fans alike take their football seriously, and we just want some reassurance that someone in your establishment knows what he/she is doing. Of course we will continue to eat and drink ourselves into oblivion, but we ask that you pay special notice to the following requests.

**Most Mid-West bars, this need not apply to you.

  1. If your bar has a Sunday Ticket sign posted outside, make sure you have any many games as possible.  I understand that some establishments only have four or five televisions, but do we really have to see the Redskins on three TVs?  For those that feel the need to overly indulge the local crowd, BUY more TVs.
  2. Know that when a game is shown locally, the Sunday Ticket feed will always say “This game is unavailable in your area.”  Turn it to the local channel – and make sure it’s in HD.  And please figure this out before kickoff
  3. Speaking of HD…It’s 2008 and TVs need to be in high definition.
  4. Please post signs as to which game will be on which television.  Where to sit is a very important part of going to the bar. Direct TV lets you pre-program so you can go off and do all the other important bar tasks.
  5. VOLUME.  Please a) have volume b) have volume on one game only c) know which game to have the volume for.  If the Jets/Patriots are playing and we’re hearing the Chiefs/Rams feed, that’s a bit problematic.
  6. If all the TVs have eyeballs on them and some guy or girl waltzes in after kickoff, don’t switch the game to appease them.  If you don’t think a particular game is being watched, ASK in advance.  I’m sorry, but there should be some benefits to getting there an hour before kickoff.
  7. Don’t roll your eyes if we order a Diet Coke.  Many of us are fantasy geeks just there to watch football and not to get sauced.  Accept it.
  8. Know that there are 4:05 and 4:15 games.  Don’t make us miss kickoff for any of the following: a) A blowout game, especially under two minutes and ESPECIALLY if they are kneeling to run out the clock. b) Direct TV music with game scores c) The worst – post game highlights.
  9. Are those Miller Light girls really necessary?  Not sure if it’s because I’m really into all the games at all times but I don’t need some girl talking up beer while handing me out a huggie that will be immediately thrown out.  And they also seem to pop up at my table at the most inopportune times.  Okay, I’m sure there are one or two guys out there that don’t mind it so much.