NFL Shenanigans: A Preseason Parody

Welcome to ‘NFL Shenanigans,’ where every week I’ll be making fun of the sport we lurve. For my first column, I decided to explore my musical side by putting together something I think we can all agree the NFL has needed for some time: a preseason theme song.

Here is “Preseason Football,” sung (well, not exactly) to the tune of the great Barry Manilow hit, Copacabana.

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They call it football, some kind of football,
It’s disorganized and slow but there’s eleven players so,
We’ll have a hot dog, and get excited,
And while the players go and stretch,
We’ll find a roster and kvetch,
These new guys better score, who’s number 84,
But they’re all young and barely injured,
Who could ask for more?

Cuz’ it’s football, preseason football,
The hottest plays are a month away,
Cuz it’s football, preseason football,
Rookies get fired and vets don’t perspire,
Preseason football…it’s on TV

They are the first games, of the new season,
The vets are wearing baseball caps, Johnny Manziel will get some snaps,
We’ll watch our draft picks get called for PI,
Sometimes those refs they go too far,
One quarter shouldn’t feel like our
Life’s moving in slo-mo, and time has turned to stone,
Oh hey look there’s J.J. Watt,
Just kidding he’s at home

Cuz’ it’s football, preseason football,
The hottest plays are a month away,
Cuz it’s football, preseason football,
Rookies get fired and vets don’t perspire,
Preseason football…it’s on TV

They call it football, some kind of football,
But we barely care who wins unless we lose to the Redskins,
Now it’s just four games, four games of practice,
We pray for some new superstars,
Hope QB1 stays out of bars,
Bradford’s in bubble wrap, Brady still wants his snaps,
It’s six months till Super Bowl 50
Let Peyton take his nap

Cuz’ it’s football, preseason football,
The hottest plays are a month away,
Cuz it’s football, preseason football,
Rookies get fired and vets don’t perspire
Preseason football…it’s on TV