Positively Gruden: Giants at Redskins – That Wicked RGIII

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where I break down the top praise, plaudits, and pontification from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week was ESPN’s most anticipated MNF game of the season, featuring an emerging superstar in RGIII, real playoffs implications, and two coaches vying the prestigious title of “face that most resembles a tomato.”  There was no doubt Gruden would be on fire and, just to be fully prepared, The Football Girl was kind enough to bring on two interns for the night to help with typing and supply me with a steady streaming of red bull and vodka.  Suffice to say, I was JACKED UP for the evening.  (Sorry, ESPN, know I can’t mention that segment anymore)

Fortunately, neither the game nor Gruden disappointed.  And after this game, I fully expect that whenever Gruden returns to coaching, he will implement the read option system because THAT GUY loves himself some pistol formation, man.  Gruden’s praise over the Redskins play calling was a running theme of the night, along with RGIII’s athleticism and London Fletcher’s agelessness.  All told, this game may have yielded our greatest collection of Grudenisms ever!

As always, Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

14. “RGIII has the NFL UNDER SIEGE right now. He’s running an offense that’s never been seen before!”

13. After an Eli Manning completion, “I can’t believe that throw.  The pattern is outstanding, but how about the throw!”

12. On London Fletcher, “He didn’t look 37 there. That time, London Fletcher EXPLODED on impact.”

11. Gruden to RGIII in the pregame film session, “Your speed, your ability to run play action in the pocket, makes you a WICKED double edged sword, Man.”

10. On the Redskins offense, “They got a great downhill runner, incredible speed at the quarterback position, and a WICKED play action pass. It’s tough to stop.”  (Little known fact: Gruden loves Kristin Chenoweth)

9.  On (Dr.) Eli Manning, “Every single snap is a research project.”  

8.  On Chase Blackburn, “Man, this guy loves it. He’s the kind of guy that corrects the scout team on the practice field. He’s a gym rat.” (Also hits girls in the head during dodge ball.)

7.  More London Fletcher, “I don’t know who the Redskins have to take over when he retires, but the 37 year-old is still a MAN inside.” (Interestingly, RuPaul also fits this description) 

6.  “Great hands-snatch-catchability by Hakeem Nicks.” (That’s totally a phrase)

5.  Celebrating the win, “Not only has RGIII rejuvenated football fans here in Washington D.C., he’s rejuvenated London Fletcher…who doesn’t really need it.”

4.  “This is who Ahmad Bradshaw is.  He’s one of the premier gameday competitors that we have in football.”

3.  On the maestro (Kyle Shanahan), “Zone blocking, Mike. Snap after snap after snap. It’s a concert up front.”

2.  “London Fletcher has poured his whole soul into this. He’s a coachin’, preachin’, demandin’, play makin’ fool, Mike.” 

1.  One more RGIII, “If he gets even, he’s leavin'”  (And if he doesn’t quit, This Guy’s legit)