Natalie Saar: A New Kind of NFL Vernacular
The NFL, like any other entity, has a culture all its own. This means that it comes with its own vocabulary.
These are some words you should start mixing into your own football conversations, whether you’re talking about the worst call you’ve ever seen or someone who came through on your Fantasy team. Here’s your NFL Vocab List.
1. T.O.ed [tee-oh-ed] sitting out for a season due to injury; (see also “Barber”)
Ex. “Due to his neck injury, Peyton Manning will be T.O.ed.”
Note: Another pop culture meaning for this word is “ticked off,” which being T.O.ed will undoubtedly make you.
After a very unsuccessful attempt at making a return to the NFL, T.O. became a laughingstock. Not in a “he’s totally washed up” way, but in a “he’s still pretty good, I can’t believe he messed this up for himself” way. T.O. was injured during the preseason while filming a reality show, and was a free agent at the time. Let that be a lesson to all the T.O.s and Ochocincos out there – stick to your day job.
2. Barber [bar- ber]- Trying to make an unsuccessful NFL comeback
Ex. “He’s in a state of Barber right now.”
While Barber once electrified the field, and the TV screen, a slew of drama involving the love triangle of him, his ex-wife and his twentysomething mistress has tainted his public image. He cheated on, and consequently left his wife of over a decade while she was pregnant with their twins, leaving him with some hefty child support payments. So he tried to make an NFL comeback after the scandal got him fired from his TV commentator job, but there were no buyers.
3. Favre [far-vuh] Used in place of a profanity
Ex. “My Favring team can’t get it together!”
verb: Sending dirty picture messages via text
Ex. “He Favred a picture to that reporter.”
Brett Favre will be in the Hall of Fame, no doubt, but the end of his career tainted his legacy just a bit. The sexting scandal with reporter Jenn Sterger was among the biggest of his mistakes.
4. Tebowing [tee-bow-ing]– Performing miracle finishes in a way that bewilders the masses
Ex. “My Fantasy team is Tebowing this year. Why does everyone hate me?”
Tebow is a terrible quarterback for 55 minutes and a Hall of Famer for the last five. That’s all that counts. However, he still hasn’t convinced some football purists of his ability based on his inability to pass the ball. But like everyone else who criticizes him, it’s important to note that he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet!
5. Romoed [row-mo-ed]– Choked
Ex. “My team Romoed on the last play of the game and I lost a ton of money.”
Tony Romo is great. He’s a very proficient quarterback that knows how to win games, but there’s one thing he knows how to do better: choke. I’ll stop there for the sake of the Cowboys fans.
6. Palmer [pall-mer] – Going from couch potato to NFL QB in less than a week
Ex. “Do you think Brett Favre will Palmer in Houston since Schaub’s out?”
Carson Palmer retired from the Cincinnati Bengals due to a dispute with the owner. Then, just days after contacting Norv Turner asking for tickets to the Raiders/Chargers game in San Diego, Palmer got a call from the Raiders. Within a matter of hours he was signed as the starting quarterback.
7. Brunell [brew-nell]– Broke
Ex. “I’m totally Brunell right now.”
How a player can be in the league for as long as Mark Brunell has been, but still be forced to declare bankruptcy is nearly inconceivable. However, he did is last year. Maybe he should look into getting a different financial adviser.
8. Sanchezing [san-chez-ing] – Eating a hot dog at a football game, most specifically on the side lines
Ex. “Don’t bother me right now, I’m Sanchezing.”
It’s hard to forget the footage of Mark Sanchez eating a hotdog on the sideline of a game against the Raiders. Therefore, anytime a player is caught eating on the sidelines, the act is now named after him.
9. Ochocinco [oh-cho-seen-ko] – Changing your name to a grammatically incorrect, ridiculous one
Ex. “I’m going to Ochocinco my last name to JimmyEatWorld.”
The man is pretty desperate for attention, but legally changing your name to “eight five” rather than “eighty five” is the most ridiculous thing he’s done.
10. Brady [bray-dee]– Looking glamorous even when you’re a sweaty mess
Ex. “You look so Brady right now.”
It’s forever a mystery how Tom Brady can quarterback an entire game, then take off his helmet, shake his head and have instantly perfect hair. Average mortals have a bad hair day after taking a bike ride around the block.
11: Triplette [trip-let]– When referees make a horrible call
Ex. “No way! That’s Triplette! He was in bounds!”
Jeff Triplette is guilty of making more horrible, crucial calls than any other referee in the NFL. When wondering who the ref was that just threw that flag, chances are it was him.
12: Newton [new-ton] – A pleasant surprise
Ex. “You made dinner?! What a Newton!”
Cam Newton had the opposite reception of Tim Tebow. This season he was grouped with guys like JaMarcus Russell and most people were waiting for this cocky kid to fail, but he’s proved them all wrong. While his wins don’t reflect his yards, Newton has been amazing this season, especially considering he’s a rookie.
13. Johnson [jawn-sun] – Being a complete Fantasy bust
Ex. “I should never have picked up Vince Young, what a Johnson.”
Chris Johnson whined and moaned until he was given a contract that he deemed acceptable. All the Fantasy owners who picked him up while crossing their fingers breathed a sigh of relief. Then a couple weeks went by and they smashed their computers against the wall. When it comes to under performance in the Fantasy world, he is the definition of it.