Positively Gruden, Cowboys vs. Cardinals: An ‘Inordinary’ Amount of Greatness

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach. This week’s Grudenisms got off to a slow start, with the vaunted Cowboys offense stymied by the Cardinals early in the game. But sure as Jerry Jones appearing for a photo op, Dak and the boys got going in the second half, which resulted in the release of a flurry of pent up Grudenisms. The Grudenisms even included love for the refs and were punctuated by the creation of a new acronym for everyone to use at their next party.

As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

21.  “Corey Peters is not your every day nose tackle. He is a LOAD.”

20. “I get excited watching [Karlos] Dansby.”

19.  On the Cowboys offense, “Last game they passed an inordinary amount of times.” (No, that’s not a typo)

18.  After a Cowboys diving catch, “You can’t throw the ball more accurate than Prescott just did.”

17.  “Andy Lee, who’s been around, is one of the game’s all-time great punters.”

16.  “[Ryan] Switzer is one of the more courageous punt returners you will find at any level of football.” (Gruden loves special teams)

15.  On Rod Marinelli and Bruce Arians, “One of the best defensive coaches I have seen and one of the truly, truly best offensive coaches.”

14.  On Carson Palmer, “He has an ice man mentality, never gets rattled.”

13.  “I love Haason Redick. What a story he is…he reminds me of a young Hugh Green. Do you know who that is?” (No.)

12.  On Cole Beasley, “Hard to coach that kind of quickness. That’s a professional slot receiver.” (He also drives a Dodge Stratus)

11.  On DeMarcus Lawrence (after a monster night), “I’m afraid to say his name again, people are gonna think I’m his agent.”

10. On J.J. Nelson, “He’s a laser legitimately.”

9.  On Fitzgerald possibly retiring, to Sean McDonough, “Your brother’s in the personnel department, talk to him. Give him some more money.”

8.  After a Dez Bryant TD, “That’s one of the great efforts you will ever see from a wide receiver….that’ll be on a highlight tape for years to come.”

7.  “These officials are doing a pretty darn good job on the sidelines.” (Now that’s a rare Grudenism)

6.  After a Cowboys TD, “That’s a clinic on how to run the football….what a beautiful escort.”

5.  More Cowboys love,“can’t say enough about the character of a champion.” (A champion? Really?)

4.  “This Dak Prescott has been amazing with his ball security.”

3.  “This Dak Prescott is exciting to watch.”

2.  More Prescott love, “It might be the greatest pick in franchise history when all is said and done.”

1.  After a long Ezekiel Elliot run, “I used to call it B.Y.O.B. Be your own blocker.”