Jay Cutler is Quintessential Jay Cutler on ‘Very Cavallari’ Debut

About 10 minutes into the premiere of Very Cavallari, a new reality show about Kristin Cavallari’s dramatic travails as she expands her clothing line, my husband turned to me and asked, “Can we just skip to parts with Jay in them please?”

Jay refers to Jay Cutler, Kristin’s mopey, unambitious husband who was most recently a mopey, unambitious NFL quarterback.  Cutler has long been a fascination of sports fans and media members, in large part because he never fit into any box (other than a cigarette one). On Very Cavallari, we got an intimate glimpse into the many sides of Cutler, some shocking, some predictable, all ridiculously entertaining.  Turns out that the person on the reality show mocking the reality show is the best kind of reality person. Here’s what we learned from Jay:

Cutler gets bedroom tips from GQ

Cutler is “probably” retired

 Kristin probing about Jay’s prospects of activity was a common theme in this episode. When she asked if he was retired, Cutler mostly agreed but said, “he will know for sure in September,” sounding like he could care less either way.

Cutler is content being lazy

Jay does very little with his life these days other than dropping off the kids at school and watching deer cams. Earlier in the episode Kristin suggests that Jay consider “coaching young kids,” to which he replies, “I’m not looking to much right now.”

In the episode’s final scene, Kristin probes again about this whole sit at home and do absolutely nothing phase. Jay reiterates:

Kristin’s the fashionista, but Cutler wears the pants

They live in Nashville because that’s where Jay wants to live (despite the fact that it wasn’t exactly for a job relocation). In the episode Kristin notes how Jay wants to sell the house with a little over my dead body snark. Guess what? Their house is on the market for a lowly $7.9 million.

Cutler scares the bejeezus out of Kristin’s co-workers

Despite Kristin’s request for basic etiquette, Jay makes it very clear that he will not be nicer than “neutral” to her employees.  When Kristin’s social media director, a redhead who doesn’t post enough but dates a musician worthy of camera time, parks on their grass, Jay furiously texts Kristin. He follows that up by forcing another employee to place cones where she might conceivably park.

Said one employee: “I don’t even look Jay in the eye anymore because I’m honestly afraid he’ll steal my soul.”


Kristin’s nickname for Jay is perfect

Les Miz. You know, because he’s so mopey.

Jay is freakin’ hilarious and thinks like we do

Jay’s dry humor came through in spades from mocking Kristin for whining because a change of sweater could mess up her hair to this exchange with the employee he made put up the cones.

Employee: My arms are sore. I just went to the gym for the first time in two years.

Jay: Why didn’t you work out for two years?

Employee: As a former hairdresser I got my exercise by lifting my blowdryer all day.

Jay: You can’t be serious?

(She, of course, was.)

Very Cavallari airs Sundays at 10 ET on E!