Positively Gruden 2014: Washington at Dallas, “Any Given Monday” Edition

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle that top praise, plaudits, and pontifications of America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Redskins-Cowboys clash was surprisingly entertaining, as the Redskins relied on a scrappy performance from Colt McCoy, an all-out blitzing strategy on defense, and some questionable Cowboys coaching decisions (i.e., relying on your gimpy QB instead of your league-dominant running game) to pull out the OT victory.

But the real upset of the night occurred late in the fourth quarter, when Jon actually referred to Jay as “my brother.”  All through the night, as well as previous broadcasts, Jon had referred to the Redskins coach as “Jay Gruden,” never once recognizing that this coach was, in fact, his brother.  It was only after a fourth-and-two conversion, using Gruden’s famous “Spider-2-Y-Banana” play, that the brotherly love came out.  A brother can only keep up the appearance of impartiality for so long.

As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

“Tony Romo, and his veteran SAVVY, is a pleasure to watch.”

“If you like underdogs, you’ll like Colt McCoy.”

On Pierre Garcon, “he’s a training reel after the catch….he’s a physical man.”

On DeMarco Murray, “he’s an all-around back with EXTREME production. How’s that?” (As if

On the Cowboys defense, “I named them the UFO defense. Because when you look at the tape, you will agree, they are unidentified flying objects.”

“That’s halfback choice, and Roy Helu is the halfback that runs the choice.”

“Justin Durant deserves more credit than he gets. Not only does he lead the Cowboys in tackles, he leads the Cowboys in effort.”

On the Cowboys LT, Tyron Smith, “Man, is that left tackle impressive. One of the most physical IMPOSING left tackles I’ve had the pleasure to meet.”

More Smith, “Look at that REACH. He could knock me out from Fort Worth, Mike. 37 inch arms, I think they’re 39 now.”

“How about Jason Witten? He can’t care less about statistics. All he does…is play tight end as well as anybody’s ever played it.”

After Tony Romo was knocked out of the game, “this is one tough Cowboy, Mike.” (Literally)

Upon Romo’s return, “this would be the all-time John Wayne performance that I’ve seen on Monday Night Football.” (Unfortunately, no.)

“Anything goes on any given Sunday, especially on Monday night.”