Super Bowl XLVI: The Wise Guy’s First Annual Offbeat Super Bowl Prop Bets

Thank Tebow, sports fans, the Super Bowl XLVI is finally right around the corner. But let’s face it, unless you’re a Giants (brutal) or Patriots (brutaler) fan, you’re going to need a little something more than just sixty minutes of action and commercials you’ve already seen the internet. That’s why God (sorry, Tebow) invented prop bets.

Now, you can go on those mainstream sports betting sites and find your standard coin toss or over/under on national anthem length prop bets. And believe me, I did. But these bets are Bo-Ring, and got me thinking about the prop bets I would come up with if I held that dream bookie job I’ve always desired. (Just so bad at breaking thumbs.)

So without further ado, here are The Wise Guy’s First Annual Offbeat Super Bowl Prop Bets!

Number of words with four syllables or more uttered by Bob Costas during the broadcast (9.5): Costas is a living legend, the gold standard in broadcasting professionalism. His impromptu take down of Sandusky was the best. But during Costas’ SNF halftime “essays” this year, it felt like he was force feeding us something closer to a PhD dissertation than actual football commentary, solely in an effort to sound smart. Either way, Costas is sure to leave an indelible mark on the broadcast.

Number of times Mike Pereira is consulted on an instant replay (2): This is a trick question because Pereira works for Fox. But I wish NBC would rent him for this particular game for one reason. Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth are my favorite announcing crew, but their biggest flaw is that they (especially Michaels) get caught up in the intricacies of officiating and forget about the action on the field for extended periods of time. It would be so much better to bring in someone who actually knows the rules (and wears a great suit).

Number of guests at your Super Bowl party that will make a snide comment on how much weight Kelly Clarkson has gained (1.5): C’mon, we all know it’s true. I’m not saying she needs to be Lady Gaga, but she’s a pop star, she should look good. You’re no Adele, Kelly.

Yep, someone’s bound to get offended.

Number of times Rob Lowe is mentioned (.5): I’m going with the over here. Michaels loves to show that he’s keyed into the pop culture zeitgeist. Extra 50% bonus if he actually uses the word “tweet.”

Number of Madonna wardrobe malfunctions (.5): Please let it be the under. Please Tebow.

Cuter dog in the Puppy Bowl, Yorkshire Terrier or Long Haired Mini Dachshund: You know once Madonna plays one of her “new songs” you’re switching the channel to Animal Planet.

Number of Promos for “Smash” (56.5): I, for one, wish they had cast Clay Aiken.

Number of Promos for “The Voice” (65.5): This year, Blake Shelton and Cee-Lo are teaming up for their new song, “Moves like Elaine on Seinfeld”

The Wise Guy is the media columnist for Follow him on Twitter.