Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach. Like the Rams-49ers game a week ago, this week’s Texans-Steelers clash was completely flipped on its head by a freak end to the first half. This time it wasn’t just one play; it was a complete breakdown by the Texans that allowed the Steelers to rattle off 21 points in 73 seconds. That type of momentum swing is something not even Gruden himself could overstate.
The Grudenisms similarly followed the flow of the game. What started off as gushing about the dominance of J.J. Watt and the intelligence of Ryan Fitzpatrick quickly morphed into the agility of Antonio Brown, the “mental” quickness of Troy Polamalu, and, let’s face it, the crappiness of Ryan Fitzpatrick. I guess Wonderlic scores can only get you so far in this league.
As always, the top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery.
After a Ryan Fitzpatrick back shoulder throw, “that is a beautiful, beautiful thing to watch.”
On handling J.J. Watt, “You’ve got to have your head on a SWIVEL and communicate clearly if you’re on offense.”
More Watt, “This is a living FREAK playing at an unbelievably high level.”
On Bill O’Brien, “He’s my kind of coach. No wasted motion, no storytelling. He gets after it. He’s got emotional firepower I like too.”
“This is an outstanding back. No one is doing it better than Arian Foster.” (Not even DeMarco Murray!)
On the Steelers offense, “They have to speed up the process of throwing the football or J.J. Watt will go to the Hall of Fame TONIGHT.”
“LeGarrette Blount, That’s my favorite name for a big back.”
On Antonio Brown, “If you’re a young receiver, try to get to the Steelers training camp next year and watch this kid practice.”
More Brown, “How about this catch…he looks like Spiderman.”
On Troy Polamalu, “He may not be as fast as he was in 2010, but he’s MENTALLY faster than he was at any point in his career.”
More Polamalu, “I tell ya’, he’s Evil Knievel as a strong safety.”
On Steelers NT Daniel McCullers, “He’s not just big, he’s WWE big…his calves are like tree trunks.”
On Ryan Fitzpatrick (before the meltdown), “His intelligence is off the charts. This kid is fascinated by hexagrams and the binary code. He’s got brains that I don’t have. I don’t know about you, but this kid is really smart.”