Welcome to another rendition of ‘Positively Gruden,’ where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach. This week featured the long awaited Jets-Dolphins clash at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, and the game lived every bit up to the hype! Anemic offenses? Check. Dropped interceptions? Check. Geno Smith going 7 for 13 for 65 yards and a game losing interception? Check and mate. Gruden’s disdain for the level of football was literally dripping from his mouth during the telecast, such that it was difficult to detect any positivity at all. But fortunately, your intrepid reporter was on the scene (i.e., the couch) to gather any and all nuggets of goodness in the otherwise putrid affair.
As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.
After a Jets TD, “No one in the State of Florida expected the Jets to run a reverse with Greg Salas.” (Or New Jersey for that matter)
“John Connor. In. The. Hole. You wanna be a fullback, you gotta make these kind of BLOCKS.”
“I don’t know how that isn’t running into the kicker when Grimes ran into the kicker.” (fair point)
“This Jarvis Landry, he knows he’s not at LSU anymore. He was an outside gifted receiver. And now he’s working in the Land of Giants. And that time Jason Babin just welcomed him to New Jersey.”
“Somehow, someway Joe Philbin goes into the locker room at halftime and delivers an incredible speech.”
On Chris Ivory, “If you’re a cornerback like Brent Grimes, you don’t want to see this TRAIN coming down your neighborhood. He can run over you, he can jump over you, he can do it all.”
“The New York Jets look FRESH. Giacomini and Colon at Right Guard and Right Tackle have come off the ball Like a THUNDERING HERD here in the first half. I love it.”
But then, Gruden turns negative…..
“These Jets fans want to see a forward pass…Geno Smith is 4 for 7. Look at that play selection, I have not seen that unless I’ve been in a game with MONSOON.”
“These Jets have dropped more interceptions than any team I’ve ever seen.”
On the forgotten Eric Decker, “They paid him millions of dollars to come from Denver. Decker probably thinks he’s playing with Tim Tebow again. He’s probably confused.”
On the Jets woes, “this is frustrating for any Jet fan. It’s frustrating for me, Mike.”
After a missed FG, “the Jets have done everything they can do lose this football game.”
After the final Geno pick, “a huge, signature win for the Jets. (He meant Dolphins) They find a way to come from behind and win on the road, something they have not done recently in a long time.”