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Home » News and Features » After Further Review » Free Agency Preview: 5 Rumors Too Crazy To Be Believed

Free Agency Preview: 5 Rumors Too Crazy To Be Believed

By: Kim O'Hara | Posted: March 08, 2013

Tired of hearing us gripe about the excruciatingly dull offseason? You're in luck. As free agency will descend upon is in a mere four days, we at TFG have stumbled upon some of the wildest gossip you'll encounter before all the transactions go down. As a favor to our readers, we've narrowed down the five most intriguing rumors we've come across this week. But when all these stories break next Tuesday, please be sure to tell all your friends you heard 'em here first. We'd hate to lose out on credit for these juicy scoops.

In ascending order of awesomeness, here you have them:

5) Ray Lewis is not retiring. In fact, the veteran linebacker is going to sign a new, one-year deal with Baltimore. Lewis was overheard (by everyone in a three mile radius) exuberantly detailing the wonder and whimsy of his farewell tour, though he oddly neglected to mention anything about the Super Bowl. Lewis thought it was such an incredible journey, he's decided he'd like to do it again each season. 

4) Patriots receiver Wes Welker has decided to test the waters of free agency because he'd like "to prove, once and for all, that Tom Brady would be nothing without me". It's a pretty bold statement, and in diametric opposition to what just about every football pundit has suggested in recent weeks. When asked about Welker's brash statements, head coach Bill Belichick couldn't help but crack that famous Belichick grin. "That's Wes for ya," he giggled, before turning somewhat grave. "He's got a point, though. This ship would sink without him."

3) With an extra $30 million to shell out and a gaping hole at cornerback, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers intend to acquire three top cornerbacks available in free agency. Once they've snapped up the likes of Atlanta's Brent Grimes, Miami's Sean Smith and possibly Detroit's Chris Houston or Pittsburgh's Keenan Lewis, the Buccaneers will organize a (death-free, of course) Hunger Games-esque competition between the three men. Tampa Bay's front office, acknowledging fledgling ticket sales and tepid fan interest, will leave the results of the cornerback competition in the hands of the fans. The Buccaneers believe the ploy will be "win-win", citing the popularity of shows such as "American IdolDancing With The Stars, that special episode of Hawaii Five-O... the public loves to feel like it's involved in important decision-making. Why not chime in on our next starting corner?"

2) Everyone knows Steelers wide receiver Mike Wallace is a legitimate speedster. What few fans realize, however, is that Wallace is a massive LeBron James fan. His admiration for King James is so deeply entrenched, Wallace has decided to follow in the reigning MVP's footsteps. That's right. Wallace will be taking his talents to South Beach. But the receiver, deemed the most valuable free agent by, will take his James imitation one step further by hosting his own version of "The Decision". In a marked twist, when the people of Pittsburgh learned of Wallace's intentions, they surprisingly veered away from feelings of anger or betrayal, going so far as to offer assistance in organizing the spectacle.

1) The Dallas Cowboys have a glaring, desperate need on the offensive line. Due to imposed cap-related sanctions, Dallas has minimal capital to make any moves to address the issue. But owner-general manager Jerry Jones is still targeting the likes of Miami's Jake Long, New England's Sebastian Vollmer and Cincinnati's Andre Smith. The consummate businessman is prepared to offer the fulltime services of his son-in-law/personal glasses cleaner to any player willing to help bolster his "sieve of an offensive line".


Kim O'Hara is the Associate Editor of She is an avid fan of sports in general, but the NFL in particular. She has also been a contributor to ESPN the Magazine. Follow her on Twitter: @KimOHaraTFG    

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