What Should Happen When You Beat Your Husband in Fantasy Football?
By: The Football Girl | Posted: October 18, 2012
It all goes down starting tonight. My “Bone Daddy’s House of Smoke” takes on my husband’s “RGIIIPO” in fantasy football. This is not a friendly competition, folks. Anyone who competes against their husband knows that the inner-marriage battle is often more intense than the Super Bowl.
Here’s our history: I started a league in 2005, the year we started dating. We partnered up and it was glorious. We agreed on virtually every lineup decision, and when we didn’t we, get this, compromised. Honestly, our fantasy partnership it probably extended our “ga-ga” period by at least six months, and gave us a preview of our relationship working from both a co-habitation and communication standpoint. Also, it helped that we won almost every year through 2009.
Then I started winning alone. This was not due to divorce or even a major fight. My husband simply broke up with me because I got all the credit for our success and he couldn’t stand it. After all, I started writing about the NFL and fantasy professionally, and he was, just another lawyer. (By the way, do all lawyers think they can one-up the refs like he does?)
He felt emasculated and wanted to prove his fantasy worth on his own. Up until this season it hadn’t worked out so well for the porr guy, as he was forced to cheer me on in the playoffs while drowning his sorrows in Ben and Jerry’s. But now RGIIIPO is 6-0 and dominating our league. I am on the cusp of losing my place as the fantasy breadwinner in our house because even while doing this professionally, the slivers of respect are not as easy to sustain as you’d think.
So let’s fast forward to Monday and assume Bone Daddy takes down undefeated RGIIIPO this week, there is an important matter to be decided that goes well beyond the win. What is our side bet?
Here are some of my ideas, and I really want to hear yours as well. Just keep them clean. (We don’t need assistance in that department!)
- Carnivore husband has to eat vegan for one week. Healthy, vegetarian wife has to eat fast food for one week.
- Bears fan husband has to dress up as Jim Harbaugh (tucked in pullover and all) for one night. 49ers fan me has to throw on a Cutler jersey and scowl for a night. Both in public.
- He can’t make snide comments during the next episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I have to make at least five snide comments during Grey’s fnext episode.
- He hits up the Whole Foods during rush hour, solo. I have to endure 18 holes of golf. Neither of us can complain.
- Lululemon hoodie for me. Johnny Walker Blue for him. Same price!
- I win, I get to swap fantasy names with husband since his is objectively better. He wins I admit his name is objectively better. (oops.)
Here's our league in case you are really bored and want to follow along.
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