Positively Gruden, Broncos at Chiefs: Welcome to Andy Reid’s Laboratory

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  Monday night’s Broncos-Chiefs game had all the makings of a Grudenisms bonanza.  The coach goes way back with Andy Reid and has come up with literally hundred of different ways to wax poetic over the size of and creativity of his playbook.  Gruden also enjoys nothing more than serving as the Freddie Prinze Jr. to a perceived “game manager” like Alex Smith who, in reality, can be “all that” with just the right style.  On the Broncos side, their defense is legitimately worthy of lavish praise, though the same cannot be said about their offense (which Gruden was appropriately critical of).

Combine those factors with Gruden’s child-like love of Halloween, and the game was sure to provide many more in “treats” than your standard candy corn.  And sure enough, it did not disappoint, yielding a season-high thirty Grudenisms of pure Almond Joy!

As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.

30.  “I love this guy, Gotsis.”

29.  “This Denver defense, they don’t watch the scoreboard. They just keep playing.”

28.  On Broncos making it close, waxing poetic, “I credit Vance Joseph. Poise, on the road in the noise.”

27.  “Interceptions, sacks, fumble. Intolerable sick football, I call it.”

26.  “Nobody gets off the ball better than Von Miller.”

25.  “What I love about Von Miller, a lot of (sacks) come in the fourth quarter. He’s a CLUTCH pass rusher.”

24.  On the Patriots-49ers trade, “My thoughts are maybe Tom Brady is gonna play until he’s 45 because they don’t have a back-up quarterback.”

23.  Starting an Alex Smith flurry, “16 touchdowns, no interceptions? That’s hard to do in 7 on 7, with no pass rush.”

22.  ”They give Alex Smith a lot of control at the line of scrimmage and rightfully so.”

21.  “He’s like a coach on the field. He spends a lot of time in meeting rooms, individual periods, between practices.  Helping this core of young receivers, tight ends, and backs. There’s a lot of  good stuff in Alex Smith.”

20.  ”Such a great competitor and so athletic, and some of the ball handling endeavors that he can execute, it’s unbelievable.”

19.  And finally, on the maestro, “What a conductor he is in this two minute offense.”

18.  On CJ Anderson,“This is a world champion halfback. He doesn’t make all the long runs you’re looking for, but if you want to run the rock, he’s the guy I’d give it to.”

17.  “That Dave Toub, he’s as good as there is.”

16.  On Justin Simmons,I like this young safety out of Boston College….This young man showed up at the combine and RIPPED IT UP. Speed, agility.”

15.  On Kareem Hunt, “This young back is unbelievable.  As a running and a receiver, there’s not a thing this man cannot do.”

14.  On Aqib Talib, “What a player he is. He has great ball skills. You have to be very careful with Aqib Talib.”

13.  On Talib and Chris Harris, “I’m telling ya’, these men can tackle….Rock Chalk Jayhawk. Two of the best corners in all of football.”

12.  ”You can’t play quarterback when you’ve been hit like Trevor Siemian has been hit. Those are not hits; those are car crashes.”

11.  On the Chiefs kicker, after his fifth field goal, “Butt kicker dot com.”

10.  On Jamaal Charles, “He was one of the all-time greats, let me tell you.”

9.  “Dirty Dan Sorensen, they call him around here. He is a mean, nasty football player.”

8.  On the Chiefs, starting an Andy Reid flurry, “So many great plays, so many great young players, and they have the play caller in Andy Reid.”

7.  More Reid play calling, “How many plays does Andy Reid have on that sideline sheet, I’d like to know.”

6.  “I give Andy Reid all the credit in the world. What a grinder he is.”

5.  One final Reid-related Grudenism, “This is a man who does a lot of detailed research.  And the practice field is his laboratory.”

4.  During garbage time, on the production team’s planned curling expedition next week in Green Bay, “You’ll be a serious underdog with our crew. We’ve got some experienced curlers.”

3.  “These Broncos, they’re like the Body Snatchers. You ever seen that movie on Halloween?

2.  On his Halloween costume, “This is 18 years in row, I am Chucky. I got a great costume. I don’t scare the kids, they know it’s me now. But I still go crazy on Halloween, I love it.”

1.  And the spookiest Grudenism of them all, “They brought in Brock Osweiler, many thought he’d be the heir apparent to Peyton Manning.”