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Chiefs at Ravens The team on a seven-win hot streak versus the team that is the Ravens. Though the Ravens go into the game feeling confident with Clausen, Schaub, and Mallett as their murderer’s row of quarterbacks, they lose to the Chiefs. Mallett ends up getting a ride home from a fan after he is unable to find his car in the team’s parking lot. Oh, Ryan. Texans at Colts An injured Matt Hasselbeck starts for the Colts but has to leave the game during the second quarter after complaining that, ”breathing hurts me.” That means it’s Clipboard Jesus time,…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  Last night’s game was a three and a half quarter snoozefest, with Andrew Luck looking like a beleaguered Civil War general with no ammunition for his musket and a bad case of gout.  But like the South, Andrew Luck always rises again, and delivered a stirring 17-point comeback to send the game into overtime.  But that just led to one final Luck interception, which set the table for Graham Gano, aka Mr. Clutch, to seal a Panthers victory…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach. Last night featured an eagerly-awaited unveiling of the new Star Wars trailer, which Tirico, channeling his inner Gruden, characterized as “a moment you’ll never forget.” Sadly, the game itself was far less memorable. Gruden was primed to gush over the Giants’ revamped offense, but after an impressive first drive, Eli and the gang were literally stuck in mud. The Eagles needed to turn in only a serviceable performance—despite committing four turnovers—to easily take the game. This resulted in…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  Last night’s game was a veritable snoozefest for three and half quarters, before turning into complete chaos culminating in a “walkoff wildcat” touchdown by Le’Veon Bell as the clock struck 0:00.  You know what they say in coaching: it’s a great play if it works. But we shouldn’t let the game’s ending take away from the Grudenisms, because there were some real doozies in last night’s broadcast.  From flags on the beach, to stadiums, to skin flutes, to…

Welcome to another rendition of ‘Positively Gruden,’ our weekly column chronicling the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications of America’s favorite fawning former coach.  For three and half quarters, last night’s game was a veritable snoozefest of incompetent offense, shaken only by brief interludes of Russell Wilson’s trademark fifteen second scrambles leading to a big play.  But when Lions scored a defensive touchdown off a Wilson fumble and promptly drove down on the next possession on the brink of scoring a game-winning touchdown, the game suddenly got interesting.  Of course, Lions gonna Lions, and the usually sure-handed Calvin Johnson lost a…