Browsing: Wise Guy’s Media Watch

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week featured an unexpectedly entertaining game between the Seahawks and Redskins, but one that was ultimately won by the uncontainable Russell Wilson.  As expected, Gruden’s love primarily focused on the Seahawks, as the coach couldn’t help but gush about the myriad of athletic freaks on the Seahawks roster. As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity. “K.J. Wright wears number 50. He plays every position at linebacker you…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Patriots-Chiefs clash may have been a snoozer in terms of competition, but it yielded an epic array of Grudenisms on punter dominance, fulsome fullbacks, and certified mensa member, Alex Smith, not to mention a pity Grudenism for the increasingly “sucky” Tom Brady.  So let’s not waste time and get to them. As always, the top Grudenism sare graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity.   A punter love trifecta: “Dustin Colquitt…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  With the NFL in crisis mode, it is good to know we have Coach Gruden to lean on is our time of need.  He’s the one person who can be counted to maintain constant positivity, no matter the scandals, the cover-ups, the bungling of the Commissioners’ office, or the redzone ineptness of Geno Smith.  And I’m only half-joking here.  The NFL, for most fans, serves an escape from reality from our otherwise dull and mundane lives, and it’s…

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week was supposed to feature the fast-paced Eagles against Comeback Kid Andrew Luck.   However, it was the Colts getting out to the fast start with the Eagles coming back in the end, aided by an untimely interception by Luck stemming from a blatant missed defensive holding call (wasn’t that a point of emphasis?). Of course, the hero of the game was Darren Sproles, the diminutive scatback, who hasn’t lost any of his agility even at the ripe…

Welcome to the inaugural 2014 edition of “Positively Gruden,” which chronicles the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Giants-Lions match-up had all the making of a crapfest, and sure enough, that’s what we got.  The Giants are just plain bad, with a new West Coast offensive scheme that fits Eli Manning like a pair of newly whittled clogs.  Meanwhile, the Lions have adopted the Saints proven attack, and its former offensive coordinator.  Combined with Megatron, offseason acquisition Golden Tate, and a newly svelte Matt Stafford, the Lions have all the makings of a…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we break down the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  Last night’s game against the RGIII-led Washington football team and the Johnny Manz—er, Brian Hoyer-led Cleveland Browns must have been the most eagerly anticipated preseason football game in the history of TheFootballGirl.com. And from the profound musical interlude, backing up the artistic black and white still frames of the two famed college quarterbacks, you just knew this game had special meaning…even if it had no meaning at all.  I could barely contain my excitement as I settled…

Welcome to the inaugural 2014 edition of “Positively Gruden,” where we break down the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  For those of you new to this column, who may be asking, “what interesting things could an announcer possibly say about a meaningless preseason game between two teams (Jags and Bears) who missed the playoffs in 2013?” The answer is: A LOT.  Because Grudenisms, like shooting stars, back acne, and William Shatner, appear and disappear without rhyme or reason.  And that’s where we come in: to capture Gruden’s fleeting moments of hyperbole, absurdity, and, frankly,…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where I chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  During last night’s 49ers-Falcons game, we most likely said farewell to an American institution, one that, for all its flaws, has born witness to so much football joy over the years.  Of course, things may shake out differently depending on what happens next week, but for all intents and purposes, it’s time to turn the page and move on to new beginnings. But enough about Jon Gruden’s coaching search. There was also a thrilling football game last night,…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where I chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Ravens-Lions clash featured one of the most dominating performance in the history of Monday Night Football.  No, not Calvin Johnson, Terrell Suggs, or Joe Flacco (and certainly not Matthew Stafford).  I’m talking about Justin Tucker, who with his 6 for 6 field goals including the 61-yard (!) game winner singlehandedly turned both the AFC and NFC playoff races on their heads.  His performance was so remarkable that I considered writing my first ever all-kicker “Positively Gruden”…

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where I break down the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  On a night when the Bears finally got around to retiring Mike Ditka’s #89 jersey, the Chicago fittingly took down the Cowboys with….an offensive explosion? Sorry, this is not the Chicago Bears of Ditka, Ryan, or even Lovie Smith’s days.  It’s an offensive juggernaut that might be equally and oppositely bad on defense.  The Cowboys, however, may be the only defense that is currently playing worse than that Bears.  That combination led to a litany of Grudenisms…

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