Browsing: Wise Guy’s Media Watch

As the glow of an epic Super Bowl LI fades, the dregs of  the February sports wasteland has already set in. This offseason infancy is particularly depressing because what else are you going to do, watch the news? Fortunately, at TFG we have a little sanctuary to tide you over until August, or at least until March Madness.  These are the top ten Grudenisms from 2016.  Come back soon, Jon! As always, Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale of hyperbole, vivid imagery, and outright absurdity. 10. On Edwin Jackson, “they nicknamed him pound cake because he will POUND you!”…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach. Last night featured an eagerly-awaited unveiling of the new Star Wars trailer, which Tirico, channeling his inner Gruden, characterized as “a moment you’ll never forget.” Sadly, the game itself was far less memorable. Gruden was primed to gush over the Giants’ revamped offense, but after an impressive first drive, Eli and the gang were literally stuck in mud. The Eagles needed to turn in only a serviceable performance—despite committing four turnovers—to easily take the game. This resulted in…

Welcome to another rendition of Positively Gruden, where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former co— ******ALERT******* ******ALERT******* ******ALERT******* We interrupt our regularly scheduled program for a special announcement. Due to extenuating circumstances associated with the trainwreck of a football team known as the Chicago Bears, our finely calibrated Gruden-positron recording system experienced significant malfunction last night. What follows can only be described as a series of error messages, as Coach Gruden succumbed to the dark side of criticism due to the Bears dreadful performance. It’s hard to believe, but these are actual quotes…

Welcome to another rendition of ‘Positively Gruden,’ where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week featured the long awaited Jets-Dolphins clash at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, and the game lived every bit up to the hype! Anemic offenses? Check. Dropped interceptions? Check. Geno Smith going 7 for 13 for 65 yards and a game losing interception? Check and mate.  Gruden’s disdain for the level of football was literally dripping from his mouth during the telecast, such that it was difficult to detect any positivity at all.  But fortunately, your intrepid…

Welcome to another rendition of ‘Positively Gruden,’ where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach. This week featured the long-awaited Berger Bowl: Roethlis versus Metten.  And it was a nice selection to choose from.  If you like your ‘bergers’ meaty, tough, and a little overcooked, you have to choose the half-pounder from Pittsburgh.  On the other hand, of you prefer your bergers a little raw but also a little young and juicy (so veal, I guess), go with Zach in Nashville. But let’s not spoil this column with wordplay. There was also a…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle that top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week featured another primetime blowout that is sure to spark concerns among NFL execs as to whether its ratings, and the revenues they bring, are sustainable.  Just kidding! Nothing can stop the America’s obsession with NFL football—not domestic violence, not child abuse, not concussion lawsuits, and certainly not a couple of lousy primetime games…especially when you have people like Jon Gruden making smoothies (!) on air in garbage time. Ok, it’s really all about gambling and fantasy,…

Welcome to another rendition of ‘Positively Gruden,’ where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  After several weeks of great games (and Grudenisms), we were due for a reset. And who better to provide it than the New York Giants and their anemic offense? The game was awful from the beginning, and Gruden’s commentary reflected that.  The only saving grace was Andrew Luck, whose intelligence, athleticism, and PASSION inspires Lord Byron-level romanticism Gruden.  I tell ya, Mike, Jon Gruden really loves Andrew Luck. As always, top Grudenisms are graded on a sliding scale…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle that top praise, plaudits, and pontifications of America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s Redskins-Cowboys clash was surprisingly entertaining, as the Redskins relied on a scrappy performance from Colt McCoy, an all-out blitzing strategy on defense, and some questionable Cowboys coaching decisions (i.e., relying on your gimpy QB instead of your league-dominant running game) to pull out the OT victory. But the real upset of the night occurred late in the fourth quarter, when Jon actually referred to Jay as “my brother.”  All through the night, as well as previous…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top praise, plaudits, and pontifications from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  Like the Rams-49ers game a week ago, this week’s Texans-Steelers clash was completely flipped on its head by a freak end to the first half.  This time it wasn’t just one play; it was a complete breakdown by the Texans that allowed the Steelers to rattle off 21 points in 73 seconds.  That type of momentum swing is something not even Gruden himself could overstate. The Grudenisms similarly followed the flow of the game.  What started off as…

Welcome to another rendition of “Positively Gruden,” where we chronicle the top cheers, compliments, and commendations from America’s favorite fawning former coach.  This week’s game had the makings of a major upset until Colin Kaepernick hit Brandon Lloyd for an 80-yard touchdown at the end of the first half, a coverage fail of epic proportions.  After that, Austin Davis morphed from the next Drew Brees or Brett Favre into, well, a fourth-string quarterback who was lucky to be in the league.  The Gruden love similarly shifted abruptly to the 49ers, as the Rams were barely able to field a competitive…

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